Nesley’s Story

I’ve always been interested in Paganism, but I really didn’t get into it until I got run out of the church. I was 16. I was questioning how we love people. We’re supposed to love everyone, but there were church people saying, “No, you’re not allowed to love your best friend. You’re not allowed to love your boyfriend unless he’s your husband.” 

They told me they “didn’t need my kind.” And I didn’t know what my kind was. They threw my mother out too, for raising “that kind” of child. 

My grandmother and my great aunts were still churchgoers, but they taught me which plants to grow to help you sleep, help you dream, that kind of thing. I think in their own way, they were practicing a kind of Earth-based spirituality.

I started going to every other church I knew of. I met Catholics, Baptists, Mormons. If there was a church, I went to it. But none of them felt right, so I just kept exploring. I was taking Latin in high school; I had a real affinity for the gods and goddesses. I found that when I wasn’t getting an answer from God or Jesus, if I talked to the goddesses I felt like I got an answer. This went on until I was about 18 or 19. I was studying Greek and Roman mythology in college. It started resonating more and more, so I started looking for writers who might be of that path. That took me to authors like Gerald Gardner, Margot Adler, and Z Budapest. The more I read about Wicca and Goddess traditions, the more it resonated with me. So I just started my own little practice. I read fantasy books too, and that made me want to learn more. At some point I did a self-initiation.

I finally found some people who were like-minded, but they didn’t really practice as much as talk. Then I found a group of people that actually had a coven. They invited me to participate. They introduced me to Witchcamp in Wisconsin. I got to go and see Starhawk, and Z, and Margot. Starhawk did an initiation for the whole group, but not in the traditional sense that you read about. I found a wonderful bookstore and the lady who ran it would push me in a certain direction, recommending additional books. I stayed with the coven for a while, but we went our separate ways and I’ve been mostly solitary since then. 

A few years ago, my house caught on fire and my roommate moved out. It took a lot to do daily things, let alone worry about spirituality. Last year, I dealt with my second round of cancer, and its subsequent doses of radiation. At that time I felt a real need for a spiritual connection. It really drove me to deepen my practice.

Margot Adler has probably been the greatest influence of how I practice, followed by Z Budapest and Starhawk. They let me know that it was okay to practice alone. 

The Craft allows me to take a minute, to center, ground, and connect on a deep level. It makes me want to be the best person I can be. I try to live by the Wiccan Rede as much as possible. I’m not the stereotype from movies. I’m me and I’m deeply spiritual, but not in a religious sense. But I do feel the need for a connection to other witches. 

Being a witch feels right. You talk to some people and they’re all about, “My religion does this, and my religion does that.” I feel like what Wicca/witchcraft (I use both terms) does is make me whole. When I center and meditate, I focus on what it is I want. That’s my prayer. When you’re doing a spell and focusing on what you need, that’s a prayer. 

I don’t like the hype that comes with witchcraft. People ask, “Oh, can you read my cards, can you do a love spell for me?” Yes, I can do all that, but I’m not a show pony. My spirituality is for me, not the public. 

At my work I’ve gotten pushback because the people didn’t know how to respond to my being a witch. I had a boss that would avoid touching me after he found out I was a witch. He wouldn’t shake hands with me after that. 

It doesn’t matter what path you’re taking. We’re all headed to the same place, no matter what our affiliation is. We’re headed to the Center, the Soul. So stay on your path. If this is what calls you then follow it.